Waking Up for Life

I have to keep reminding myself that we humans travel between states of contraction and expansion all the time. In nature, we see Fall and Winter are times of contraction; Spring and Summer are times of expansion. Just because I find myself in prolonged contraction right now doesn’t have to mean something is wrong.

It might be that my body is asking for some attention to its health. Or maybe it's my mind or my heart asking for care —most likely all of them since they travel together.

My prolonged fatigue, difficulty finding my internal energy and focus, and body aches snuck up on me—seemingly out of the blue. But if I look closely, it’s not really out of the blue…

Today, I took a long walk along the beach. The walk became my meditation. Here’s how: the horizon of gentle blue sky meeting the darker blue water with softly rippling waves was my meditation anchor. The visual experience was both calming and accessible; when my mind wandered into past or future thinking, I just had to look up, and I was home again.…

What does devotion mean? The word carries charge for many; some people are drawn to the word and have a warm association with it, while others find it off-putting, maybe even frightening.

For a long time, I was in camp off-put. But things have changed.

I find myself wanting to demystify it and bring it into my life more fully; to embrace it…

It feels like forever since my last blog post; you may wonder if I’ve fallen off the edge of the earth. I am here!

I want to check in and let you know what I’ve been doing and learning…

Probably most of you know, I’ve been busy with the launch of my memoir. I hope you’re not tired of hearing about it – I wouldn’t blame you, except that this book is my baby, and I need to nurture it along, so I ask for your indulgence. :)

As is my wont, I’ve been asking myself what I’ve learned so far from birthing this new baby.

 First of all,…

This summer we had some unexpected guests. They moved in and over time took up more and more space. They watched our comings and goings every time we got in the car to go somewhere. We mostly ignored them and let them be who they were – until it got out of hand, and we knew an intervention was necessary…

My father was a kind man, a deep thinker. He would sit for hours in his home office gazing into space. He was a minister, and I imagine he was contemplating how to be present to his ill and suffering parishioners, what to say in next week’s sermon, and how to understand life and spirit.

I also imagine he was not contemplating how to raise his children, who they were, or how to really know them. Let me speak only for myself and not my siblings; I don’t imagine he was focused on me because I didn’t feel him present to me other than in a passing way. I don’t know much about how my four siblings experienced our father.

So, at the time he passed away, almost thirty years ago, I wasn’t sure what I felt. I was sad and worried about my mother but couldn’t feel deep loss because I never had a deep connection.

Yet, on the day of his funeral, ironically, I finally had moments of connection with him…

The ‘birth day’ of my memoir, Light in Bandaged Places: Healing in the Wake of Young Betrayal, is rapidly approaching!

You are all invited to my book launch on August 17, 2023, in Winchester, MA – click on the image for details. For now, please mark the date in your calendar, and watch for an official invitation with the opportunity to register in the weeks ahead.

Someone recently asked how long I’ve been working on this project. I actually had to do some research to get the timeline right… Here’s a quick summary…

Even though Mother’s Day is mostly a Hallmark institution, I’ve always liked it - Father’s Day too. It seems worthy to take a moment, or a day, to consider our mothers. There is a primacy about our connection to our mother, whether it is, or was, a healthy connection or not. We all enter this life through our mother, even if we don’t grow up with her or even like her – she gave birth to us. That’s a worthy undertaking, certainly deserving of notice and gratitude!

Of course, ‘mother’ can mean our primary caretaker, or one of them, regardless of gender or actual biological relationship. We can be mothered by aunts, uncles, siblings, cousins, family friends, grandparents, adoptive parents, house parents, and I’m sure I’m missing many others. So, I’ll say ‘mother’ as a stand-in for all the mother-figures who filled the role of mother for us.

We learn so many basic, important, life-forming, necessary things from our mothers. Hopefully, they were healthy, life-affirming, loving, and stabilizing things. In actuality, they aren’t always, and as little ones, we had absolutely no conscious say in the matter. It’s astonishing to see how a child loves and wants connection with their mother regardless of how fabulous or flawed they may be in that role…

I walked into a large shopping mall the other day. I hadn’t been in one in about a year. When I did go during the pandemic, it was like a ghost town – most shops closed, few people, blocked off unmoving escalators, brown boards covering many storefronts. It was eerie.

Now, it’s quite different – busy, shiny, crowded. I was immediately hit with a kind of wonder, like a child in a candy shop. Awe at the show of wealth and the variety of offerings. It was a contrast to the sad, boarded-up place it was not that long ago.

What hit me next was a surprisingly strong sense of acquisitiveness – the desire, the pull to suddenly WANT things…

Exciting news – my memoir, which will be published on September 5, 2023, is now available for pre-order! …

Some of its themes are:

• Family relationships – both healthy and unhealthy

• Spiritual journey – searching for an authentic relationship with the transcendent

• Marriage – its struggles and joys

• Parenthood – its ability to open the heart

• Recovery from abuse – a teen relationship with a trusted teacher

• Self-discovery – uncovering hidden truths through therapy

• Healing – repairing wounds and finding wholeness

• Empowerment – becoming the best version of ourselves