Hunger and Thirst
I’ve been thinking about that energy of wanting, of craving, of leaning forward into what’s not here, the energy of grasping after and clinging onto, of holding on tightly so things don’t slip away. This is sometimes called desire, but I like using the word thirst. The word desire has so many connotations in our society, which muddy the waters of truly understanding what this energy is about.
There is one flavor of thirst that is simply need-driven; we need food, shelter, connection, so, of course, we seek them out in order to live. This is akin to literal thirst.
There is another flavor of thirst that is aspirational. These are the healthy drives that help us live lives that are consistent with our deepest values. These include things like being kind and loving, providing for others, becoming a healer or a teacher, or putting down harmful behaviors.
Then there is the kind of thirst (also called hunger, another visceral word) born of discontent, insecurity, a sense of lack, scarcity, that manifests as grasping and clinging. This is the thirst that leads to suffering, that deep-seated feeling of not-enoughness; not having enough, not being enough. We tell ourselves: "If only I had this (fill in the blank), then I'll be OK."
This is the pull for extra consumption: eating or drinking beyond the point of satiation, buying something we don’t really need but simply want, giving ourselves something just because we can. This is also the drive to have more and more money, objects, fame, and power. It no longer comes from enjoyment but from greed. We also see this in the drive toward perfectionism, controlling people and situations, overworking, the need to be right, to be the center of attention, or to please others. In its extreme, it is addiction; drives we have lost ownership of.
Whew. Just thinking about this makes me uncomfortable. Perhaps we have all known this tendency. Perhaps we have all felt some of that ‘it’s not enough yet’ feeling. It may start as a belief that indeed it’s not enough yet, but soon the pull for more takes over, and we’ve turned away from the truth. It’s a slippery slope; once we’ve lost ourselves, we love to live in delusion and denial. But before we start feeling awful about this tendency we have, it’s helpful to remember that it is natural to want things. It does start with that drive to meet our basic needs. So, rather than meeting our thirst with judgment, guilt, or blame, perhaps we can meet it with understanding and kindness and maybe a bit of grit. Not condoning anything harmful, but recognizing when we’ve gone too far and starting the process of recovering ourselves – our true selves – and restoring balance.
It's difficult not to look at the culture all around us. We can readily see thirst in the form of greed: particularly greed for more and more money, and greed for more and more power. It’s astonishing, really, just how out of balance things are. It makes me anxious. Not just because of the harm being done, but because of the energy of greed itself; for me, it's triggering and frightening.
The thirst I feel around me and within me calls for some intentionality. Some relentless reminding myself of my – all of our – inherent goodness and enoughness. Taking some deep breaths and being brutally honest with myself: what do I truly need to be my authentic self, to be content, happy? What is simply not needed, what is excess?
As we enter the time of gratitude in this holiday season and the generosity of giving, it’s a great moment to ask ourselves why, what, and how much we are consuming, and why and to whom we are giving, to seriously reflect and ask ourselves these questions. Our culture pushes us to consume and give, and we have our many wants and needs. What is an automatic reflex, an obligation, and what stems from a sense of balance, gratitude, generosity, and love? Gratitude, generosity, love, and joy – these energies are bound up together, one tumbling over the next in an aspirational cycle that leads to the quenching of thirst and the relaxing of grasping and clinging.
Ah, I feel less anxious already!
May your holidays be full of ease, enoughness, and enjoyment.
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